I love to learn.  I am always feeding my head full of information.  I read books and blogs and articles.  I watch videos.  I take courses.  I ask questions of people whom I consider experts.  I consider my curiosity and quest for knowledge positive traits.  I enjoy the company of others who love to delve into deep thought.

But.

There is a dark side.  My quest for knowledge has become a crutch of sorts.  What?  Yes.  In diving deeper and deeper into “Project Me” and working each day with Strongest You Coaching, I have uncovered a deep, dark secret about myself.  I have used my desire to learn as a way to prevent myself from actually making changes that are uncomfortable or downright hard.  Rather than take action, I stop… and think… and talk myself right out of taking that step in a new direction.

Why do I do this?  Because deep down in the recesses of my being I just don’t FEEL like it.  Sometimes it seems too hard, or too uncomfortable, or too whatever.  

Through all of my self-study, this is what I have learned.  Making myself change something, or practice a new habit is not about motivation or will power or self-discipline.  It is really about whether or not I FEEL like doing it. 

I love the analogy of the Elephant and the Rider described by Heath and Heath in their book “Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard”.  I can envision both the Elephant and the Rider as part of me.  The Elephant is the part of me that feels… my emotions.  My feelings are a huge part of me and they ebb and flow all day long.  The Rider is sitting atop the Elephant.  The Rider is my thinking, learning, logical self.  Getting the Elephant and the Rider to work together is the rub.  If my feelings are so overwhelming and take the lead, they are NOT going to be steered in any direction by the Rider.  Who can steer an elephant in the direction it does not want to go, right? 

Here is an ongoing example I have regarding the Elephant and Rider.   The Rider in me decides that a habit is no longer serving me (perhaps avoiding sugary snacks).  The Elephant wants a sugary snack because it will make me feel better, or is being offered by someone who loves me with food.  What part of me will earn the ability to steer my decision?  The more time I take to consider the FEELINGS attached to the decision; the more often I will eat the sugary snack.  The Elephant wins.

On and on it goes.  I think of the healthy changes I want to make in my life, which are even more specific now that I am focused on myself with Strongest You.  I gather the facts.  The Rider is happily seeking information, not actually making changes.  In the mean time, the Elephant is cruising along in the pattern that FEELS best.   Now what?

In the past week, I have started listening to an audio book. Yeah, I know, more “Rider” stuff, right?  Well, sort of.  This time, my quest for information has backfired on me.  The book is by Mel Robbins and is called “The 5-Second Rule”.  She explains that the more TIME allowed for feelings (aka the Elephant) to be involved in the decision, the more likely we are to talk ourselves out of the decision to take action (the Elephant wins). 

It makes sense to me.  The more time I spend pondering a change, or reading about it, or learning HOW to do it, or start to sift through my feelings about it, the less likely I have been to actually do something.  If I have a thought and just take the action, I get things done.  As an example, I enjoy my morning cup of coffee.  I do not think about.  I am in the kitchen, get out my mug of the day, fill the mug with a strong brew, and start sipping.  Mmmmmm.

What about exercise?  I like to exercise, but there are those days I really, really, really do not WANT to exercise.  On those days, I think about it.  The more I think about it, and start to allow thoughts to creep in, and realize I really do not FEEL like exercising, I move more and more away from that healthy choice for myself.  Robbins’ teaches, very simply, in times like this, count backwards from five and take action.   I want to get in at least five days of exercise per week.  Today is the day on my calendar for weight lifting.  I see the note “Strength” on the calendar… “5-4-3-2-1…” I put on my workout clothes and go lift weights.  Done.

Does it work every time?  No.  But it has worked more often than it has not.  I have found I am getting more things done.  I am thinking about things I have been pondering in my brain but have not committed to action and what steps I can actually take to move towards completing them. 

I have been thinking about writing this article for three days.  Today, I sat at the computer to check email.  I saw a note on my calendar “Write”.  I started to think, “I’m really not the best person to write…I probably need to take more time to learn…” Then I counted “5-4-3-2-1” and opened a blank document and started to write. 

It is not about motivation or willpower.  I may not always feel like it.  I can let the Elephant and the Rider duke it out to see who gets to make the decision. 

Or I can simply 5-4-3-2-1…

Photo credit to the amazing Patricia Crosley Smith!