The past days have been exhausting.  Poor Jaxon.  It is so difficult to watch a pet suffer. Like a baby or small child, they cannot tell you what is wrong, or where it hurts.  It is up to us to put together all of the pieces of evidence, big or small, and figure out what is wrong.  I am grateful for good veterinarians.

Because of his illness, Jaxon is hurting, that much is sure.  To touch him along the middle of his back causes him to flinch.  He walks as if walking on eggshells.  He holds his head so very still not wanting to lower it to the ground, nor raise it up in curiosity.  His ears are drooping and he resists lying down.  When he is too exhausted, he holds his head on an ottoman, or a seat on the couch for support, and closes his eyes. 

Poor little pup. 

I am with him.  Watching.  Listening. 

He is watching me.  His eyes appear to plead with me, as he has no idea why he is being punished this way.  My heart breaks feeling so very helpless.

Since he has not been sleeping past a couple of hours at a time, he yelps when he wakes up at night and I am up as well.  I dutifully take the slow walk with him to the back door, and wander the back yard with him while he decides if it is a nature call that woke him from his sleep.

The past few nights he has been awake between 2:00 and 4:00 AM.  The night sky has been very clear.  As we wander in the yard, I look up.

Stars.

The sky is pitch black… except for the stars.  Looking about I see a few constellations I can identify.  I try to peer beyond… open my visual field to see as far as I can see.

Living in the country has its advantages.  No streetlights.  No dusk-to-dawn lights on our property.  No neighbors.  Just stars.

I realize at that moment how small I am.  Then come the tears.

I feel inconsequential and helpless.  

I want to be in charge and take the pain from that little dog and bring back my spunky nerve-wracking, fun-loving Boxer.  I want him to understand that he is not being punished.   That power does not exist for me in The Universe.

In The Universe, I am a blip.  A moment. 

For Jaxon, his universe has turned against him.  His life of playing and frolic has been on hold.  For him, there are no stars.  He does not know of anything beyond THIS.   He knows his space, his people, and his routine.  That is his universe.

We are following the veterinary recommendations and giving him antibiotics to fight his infection.  We are giving him medication to ease his pain and fight his fever.   We are doing everything we can, following advice and watching for tiny signs of improvement.

Waiting.  Hoping.  Praying. 

Some say, “It is only a dog”. 

I say there is a reason The Universe is full of these amazing creatures.  These beasts become our companions.  They know how to comfort us.  They know how to make us laugh.  They wait for us when we leave.  They greet us with excitement when we return each and every time we go.  Of course, there are times they make us crazy.

The Universe has a way of giving us what we need.  I need my dog as much as he needs me.  The love of a dog is unconditional. 

Sure, not everyone is a “dog person”.

For those of you reading who are, you know exactly what I mean. 

For those of you reading who are not, you do not know what you are missing. 

That is okay.  Jaxon will love you just the same.