Some of you reading are now smiling, thinking, “Oh! She is writing about the Netflix sci-fi thriller, ‘Stranger Things’!”  In a way, I think maybe I am.  I have been exploring my feelings about being upside-down.

For those of you unfamiliar with the series, here is the short version:  There is a portal to an upside-down version of the town.  It is dark, and evil, and inhabited by an alien creature that eats people.  How is that for a visual?

A couple of weekends ago, I attended a yoga workshop with my amazing niece, Emilie.  We had discussed headstands at a family party, and she is working her way through the necessary steps to become a yoga instructor.  I wanted to tap into that knowledge.  She invited me to a workshop at her “home” studio, Yoga Erie, as it was all about inversion… Upside-down.

I was really nervous.   I have not been practicing yoga regularly.  Emilie assured me that with my strength training and Pilates, I would be just fine.  The workshop was for all levels of practice.  In my Strongest You Coaching program, I have been working very hard on learning to “lean in” to things that may lead to feelings of discomfort.  I took my nervous energy and focused on flipping the switch to channel it into excitement.  I was REALLY excited!

At the workshop, we took plenty of time to warm up and move.  I was feeling good about how my body was feeling.  After about 45 minutes of warm up, we started moving into positions with our head on the floor.  Upside-down.  I spent short periods of time keeping my feet on the ground, practicing hand placement, supporting my body with my arms and shoulders rather than my head and neck, and each time the blood rushed to my head I felt a rush of warmth and adrenaline.  I took my time recovering in “child’s pose” after each attempt, allowing my body to slow down before trying again.

Although the sensation of being on my head was uncomfortable, I recognized that more than that….it was unfamiliar.  I was in the same room.  I was safe, and only asked to try things if I felt absolutely “okay” with it.  My body inverted just felt different.  When I looked around, even with my feet on the ground, the room looked different.  When I returned to right side-up, I was still in the room, still safe.  Eventually, on one attempt from a tripod position, I just went for it, extending my feet into the air and did my first headstand.  Hurray!

Since that day, I have had plenty of time to reflect on what being upside-down did for me.  The most amazing part happened once I put my feet back on the ground.  I realized that my fears were really unnecessary.  I learned that if I pushed myself just a bit harder, I could change that fear to excitement and do something great.  I learned that by being upside-down, the world looks differently, and that is okay.

This morning I got up early and went to the gym.  I did a nice run on the treadmill prior to my clients coming in at 6:00 AM.  One of the strongest women I know, Lauren (who is also an amazing pastry chef) greeted me with a smile and a cupcake.  Not just ANY cupcake… An Irish Car Bomb Cupcake.  It is fashioned after the drink, to include Guinness Stout in the batter, Jamison whiskey in the chocolate ganache filling, and Bailey’s Irish Cream in the frosting.  Yeah… Sweet!

When I got home, I brewed a cup of coffee.  I pulled a mug from the cupboard that would pair nicely with the cupcake.  My Dad’s favorite coffee mug.  Next week is his birthday.  This time of year so many  feelings come rushing in.  When he left this world my life turned upside-down. 

When he died, my world turned into “The Upside-down” portrayed in “Stranger Things”.  Although it seemed like my usual surroundings, it was dark and scary.  I felt as though it sucked life from me as I moved through it.  It was cold and so hard to breathe.  As I tried so hard to escape the discomfort, I fell deeper and deeper, getting tangled in a web that continued to hold me tight. 

Thankfully, I got help.  I learned that the feelings I experienced were just feelings, and an necessary part of my grieving.  They were temporary. My world was here, and I had a purpose.  My world was light.

Since that time, I have continued to recognize how being turned upside-down can make me stronger.  I have learned I can go to “The Upside-down” and come back.  As I experienced at the yoga workshop, I may return sore and exhausted, but I come back to the light.  I am safe, and I am okay.  When I take the opportunity to experience upside-down moments of the world, I come back with a new perspective.

Being upside-down is still not comfortable for me.  I am learning to lean in and trust that I will be okay.  I am allowing myself to adjust to a new perspective.  I know that although it may seem dark and scary, there is no alien creature that will eat me.  I know I will come back to the light and I will have learned something valuable. 

I love that I am willing to learn things to make me stronger.  I love that I am learning to love myself.  I will keep working on my headstand.  I am thinking I may find some happiness in my upside-down.