Starting something new can elicit many different emotions.  As I move into a new week with Strongest You Coaching, I am feeling many things.  I am excited.  I am anxious.  I am scared shitless.

Last week, I completed my informational questionnaires and sent them off to my coach.  Done.  I logged in to the private Facebook page and introduced myself to the other ladies.  Done.  We were challenged with a “Mindset Matters” exercise to work on learning the difference between a “Fixed” and “Growth” mindset.  Done.

As usual, I am checking things off of my list.  Oh how I love a good list.  There is one task left unchecked.  I have to weigh and measure myself, document my numbers, and send them to my coach.  There is an optional task to take photos of myself as yet another record of where I am now to compare as progress along my journey.

Each evening, I set the intention that I will complete this task.  Each morning, I wake up and find a reason why I should not do it today. 

This is a moment where old messages start to play.  Insecurity begins to peek out and have a look to see if it can get ahold of me.  “Fixed Mindset” starts to have its way with my thoughts. 

“You should be ashamed of how big you are.”

“She (your coach) is going to shake her head in disappointment.”

“You call yourself a coach? How can you be training others when you struggle yourself?”

Yeah.

Here I sit.  A woman that is so very confident on the outside.  A woman that in many areas of her life has her shit together.  Knows how to reach out and help a friend in need.  Knows how to say the right thing to someone who is struggling.   I am at a fork in the road… again.  I have been at this fork in the road so many times before, and that is a bit embarrassing as well.

I could choose to wallow in my self-pity.  I could choose to submit false numbers to make it look not so BAD.  I could choose to continue to postpone submitting the information and just keep doing the required work as it is assigned each week.  I could do many things that would continue to perpetuate the end result as coming to the SAME fork in the road again…. And again.  Each time I succumb to those Fixed Mindset messages I get stuck.

I can choose another way.  I can take what I learned last week, and use Growth Mindset.  I can choose to take my statements above, shift the focus, and use them for self-support.

“I am not ashamed of who I am… I am proud of who I am. All of me.”

“My coach is going to be glad I have submitted honest information so she can be the best coach for me and continue to provide me the direction I need to become stronger.”

“Even a coach needs coaching.  If there is no room in my life for change, I will have no room to grow and learn and evolve.”

Yeah! 

This is what the journey is all about.  I have to be honest with myself, and my coach, in order to tweak out those areas in my life that have been holding me back, again and again.  I have to be willing to work through the feelings I consider uncomfortable to learn that they are just feelings… and they are temporary. 

I stopped writing for 10 minutes.  I did my measurements and got on the scale.  I documented my numbers.  I submitted my information via the format requested.  I feel a sense of relief and pride. 

I still feel a bit anxious, but that feeling is passing.  Of course I am a bit unsure.  This is all new for me, as I have never done anything like this before.  I am also feeling proud of me.  I did something for myself. 

I AM doing something for myself, and I deserve it.