Do you ever feel stuck?  I do.  I think most of us feel that way from time to time.  I am a champion at devising methods to keep busy, often wondering if I have time to get it all done… yet I sometimes feel I am going nowhere.  Winter is infamous for that feeling in my history book.  The roots of negativity grow deep within me.  I cultivated them for many years.  With that “stuck” feeling in my head, my body measurements are also “stuck”. 

I have hit a plateau.  No change on the scale or the tape.  This is a perfect time to quit.   I have a choice.  I am choosing to use this as a time to reflect.

In the “old me days”, I would not have given much thought to the past weeks (months?).  I would have started self-sabotage discussions in my head.  This would be my time to start slipping back into old habits.  I would start giving myself negative messages like:

“It was all a fluke… it isn’t working.”

“You are not going to make it.”

“Here you go again.”

“It is not worth it”

All of that translated to “YOU are not worth it.”

Believe it or not, despite the optimistic exterior, there are years of negative messages to myself that I work on constantly to overcome.  I am a cheerleader for many.  I have never been good at cheering for myself.  Despite years of building my self-confidence and self-worth, negative messages still rear their ugly heads.  Heads?  Yes…heads.  My negativity demons are multi-headed dragons.

What now?

If I want to succeed, I have to be a dragon slayer.  For every negative message, I have to force myself to rewrite the message into something positive.  I have to look back at the past ten weeks with a critical eye that picks up the progress I have made and objectively looks at my choices and my efforts towards improving my health.

“It was all a fluke… it isn’t working” becomes “You have lost a half a pound and almost one inch per week, on average…what you are doing is working”

“You are not going to make it” becomes “You have invested time and effort into your well being with habits that are simple.  You are making it.”

“Here you go again” becomes “Keep going and re-evaluate your progress in another two weeks!”

And finally “It is not worth it” becomes  “I AM WORTH IT”.

Yes, I used capital letters to shout that last bit to myself.  I need strong words sometimes.  I am stubborn (no nodding heads from the peanut gallery, thank you!).  It takes a bit of stubborn to get through the rough patches along the way.

I am learning to shift my focus away from the negative by giving my brain other types of food.  I am learning new cooking techniques and recipes, watching informative videos on fitness and photography, and have just joined a group of like-minded women for brainstorming on how to be a better personal trainer and nutritional coach.

This weekend, Hubby and I attended an expo that displayed recreational vehicles. It sparked thinking about camping trips and fishing.  I have the fly tying vise ready to go for spring trout patterns.  When I am done writing this morning, I will clear the snow from the driveway, spend some time with Jaxon, and tie some flies.  I have been enjoying yoga as a way to tune in to my body.  With that I am gaining strength and flexibility.

Sounds pretty busy, right?  Ha!  Yes, at times my lists get longer than I have time in a day.  There are other times where I simply brew myself a cup of tea, sit on the couch with Jaxon, and watch the birds or read.  I have learned that slowing down is healing.  I use that time to quiet my brain and sit in peace.  I am learning to sit with “me” and enjoy the company.

When I reflect back on the last ten weeks, I see that I am not really stuck.  My body is taking time to adjust.  Changes are happening, even if they happen slowly.  There are many changes I can see in my life, even if not measurable by scale or tape.

I am slaying dragons.

I AM WORTH IT!