I love learning.  My journey into photography has been a huge learning curve.  There has been much joy; and with all things new, there has been frustration.  My camera is certainly more sophisticated than I am, and has more potential than I can imagine.  Rather than try to learn everything in one fell swoop, I have tried to bite off tiny pieces at a time.  My friend in Low Places has been my greatest teacher/coach, giving me small lessons along the way to make my learning practical.  This week, I have spent time learning more about auto focus.

Auto focus is amazing.  Long story short, the camera has sensors in it that pick up information from what I am seeing through the viewfinder and determines where to hone in for the shot I want to take.  With the push of a button, the image comes in to focus.  Easy. 

And not.

Sometimes, what I see in the viewfinder and WANT to come into focus does not.  No matter how hard I try, the point of focus the camera sees is either closer or further away.  I end up with crystal-clear photos of a leaf, or twig, and a blurry bird or flower. Fortunately, the camera is equipped with manual focus.  With the click of a switch, I can take control, twist the ring on the lens, and hone in on exactly what I want to see.

I realize that my life is often no different.

I am an analytical person.  I can over-think just about anything.  Just ask anyone who knows me!  I ask “why”.  Photography feeds that sense of wonder in me.  There are things about how a digital camera works that I do not understand; yet there is a scientific explanation.  Despite living a life seeking concrete answers to sometimes very hard questions, there is a part of me that has found a sense of calm in something I cannot explain.

There are times in life I realize I was in auto focus mode.  As an employee in a structured organization, I followed the rules.  Living in a society with governing bodies, I follow the rules.  I have routines and habits.  I know my way around the grocery store, and my list is set up for progress through the store.  Auto focus.  Most of the time, I am in manual focus mode.  I am presented with choices every day.  I make my choice.  I live with the consequences of that choice, good or bad.  The world around me is completely outside of my control.  I still have the ability to make my choices based on what is in my path.

I have the ability to choose; yet I believe there is a force greater than me that is the Universe.  There.  I said it.  I have crossed the line.  I have taken a “side”.  I am a believer. 

I believe in something I cannot see.  I believe in something I cannot explain.  I believe that there is life beyond the one I am living right now.  I am okay if you do not believe what I believe.  I have no desire to change you.  I accept you for exactly who you are, as I hope you accept me.

I have my own compartmentalized set of beliefs.  Why?  I was raised learning from my parents.  I was raised in auto focus.  As I grew into adulthood, I challenged those beliefs.  I wandered far from them.  I sought my own path.  Along the journey, I came back to a place where I found comfort.  I came back, not as a child who was told where to go and what to believe, but as an adult, who still questioned, yet feels a sense of community. 

For me, the Universe is a guiding force.  I cannot explain it.  I only know I believe it.  It is like falling in love.  The science of neurotransmitters and behaviors can be explained.  Making good and bad choices despite what one feels for another person can be explained.  That sense of overwhelming joy you feel when you are with THAT person… well, I cannot explain it, but I am glad that it is there.

I live my spiritual life on manual focus.  I choose the focal point.  I have found my ability to focus in my spiritual life provides me with an overwhelming sense of peace and joy, despite anything happening in the world around me. 

This time of year is one that brings both happiness and tears for me.  I love springtime. The warm weather brings green grass and flowers and mayflies and eager trout.  It is also the time of year that my dad died, now 10 years ago.  I miss him terribly as he was a rock in my foundation.  Because of what I believe, I know he is watching over me somehow, and I know I will see him again.

I am a believer in the Universe, in whatever name it might be called.  I feel the energy and the love.  I appreciate my ability to use manual focus, and make my own choices. 

Today I will say a prayer for you.  Not because I feel you need to believe… But because I do.