The weekend flew by, which is an all too common occurrence.  I noticed the morning light does not come quite as early.  A few random leaves are starting to fall from the big maple tree in the front yard.  This week, the school buses will start to run.  Summer is winding down.

To celebrate all three of my brother’s kids going to all-day school this year (yes, the youngest goes to kindergarten!), Mum and I decided to treat them to a day trip.  We decided to go to the zoo.  I have mixed feelings about zoos in general.  On one hand, I would love nothing more than all of the animals running free in their native lands.  On the other hand, I know that some captive animals could not survive in the wild, and are in a good home in a zoo.  Also, the up-close look at the animals affords people the realization that they do exist.  In our part of rural America, a trip to the zoo is a rare glimpse at these amazing animals, making them “real”, rather than a picture in a book or on a computer screen.  

While talking to my oldest niece, now ten years old (OH MY!), I offered her a compliment.  She politely said, “Thank you” and then started to offer a “yeah, but…” statement to discount the compliment.  I was shocked and sad.  I see all of the potential possible in all three children.  I realized that there has already been a seed of doubt planted.

I spent some time this weekend reflecting on my own ability to accept a compliment, or lack there of.  It made me realize that despite my desire to be a good role model for my nieces and nephew, I have been failing them in that regard.  Truth be known, I have been failing myself that way for many years.

I am not sure when it started.  I was shy as a child.  Awkward.  I was taller than most of the girls in my elementary school class.  I had teeth that stuck out when I smiled, and consequently, wore braces on my teeth for several years.   I was smart, and loved learning.  However, I was not fast, nor strong, nor particularly coordinated when it came to athletics.  I never saw myself as one of the “cool kids”.  I felt different and struggled with self-confidence, despite being raised in a loving home.

Unfortunately, my self-confidence continued to suffer through adolescence into adulthood.  I did well in school and excelled in my chosen profession.  However, I always felt I was less.  Less than what?  Less than what I thought I should be.  I struggled feeling content with where I was in life. 

I will spare you the long version of the story and fast-forward to where I am now.  I have embraced the fact that I am a tall girl.  I love the fact that I am strong and fit.  Even though I am happy with my life, I am not always happy with myself. 

What’s up with that?

Recently, I started reading work online by Chrissy King. She is an inspirational woman.  I love the energy she shares and the insight she brings to her writing.  I believe she is the kind of person I would enjoy sharing a bottle of wine, if we had the chance to meet in person! Chrissy reminded me this weekend that I do not accept compliments well because I have not learned to compliment myself.

I readily offer a compliment to another person.  I am quick to see the good in others.  I admire other people accomplishing their goals.  I can take a negative comment made by a friend and turn it around as positive for them.  It really begs a question:  Why the heck don’t I do that for ME?

I thought more deeply about it.  I spend a great deal of time with me.  I look in the mirror every day.  I asked someone once: “When you look in the mirror, do you talk to THAT person like you would talk to your best friend?”  I asked myself that question this morning.  I had to honestly tell myself that I do not do so well with the person in the mirror.  The good news is that thanks to Chrissy’s reminder, I know can improve.  

Today is a new day.  Today I start to treat myself better, on the inside.  Today I give myself the same messages I give others.  Rather than just say the words, I am making a commitment to this practice.  Not only am I making a public declaration to you who are reading this, I am committing to participate in Chrissy’s social experiment, #ComplimentClapback Challenge.  I am going to spend the next 30 days accepting compliments that are given to me and offering a statement of affirmation to AGREE with the compliment.  

I know it is going to be difficult as the thought of it starts my stomach churning.  I also know that it is because of that feeling of discomfort that I have to do it.  I know I will stumble and fall over the next 30 days.  I am holding myself back from being a better friend to ME.  As a better me, I become a better person/friend/sister/aunt/daughter/trainer, etc.  

Despite the anxiety, I am feeling proud of myself for accepting this challenge.  I know there are things I will learn that will allow me to be a better role model to the young people around me.  Nobody needs to wait 50 years to accept a compliment.

Today is the first day of the 30 day #ComplimentClapback Challenge.

Today is the first step towards being kind to the woman in the mirror.  After all, she is one of my best friends.