Stuck
Submitted by DamselflyI just had Jaxon outside for a play session in the yard. I use the term “yard” loosely, as it is more a bog right now than a yard. The ground is squishy and soft making for a muddy mess of both of us. I have gotten wise to his games, and keep my rain gear (pants and jacket) hanging by the door. I garb up before going out, thus making a bit less laundry and only one of us needs wiped down when we come in.
I was walking in the yard, listening to the slurping noises my rubber boots made each time I stepped. If I walked slowly enough, it was as if my boot was getting stuck in the mud. I feel sort of stuck in the mud right now too.
As I have been working hard on “me” this winter, and figuring out where I fit in the universe, what I have to offer, and what lessons I still have to learn, I am being conscious about not assigning the word “stuck” with a negative label. That is not easy for a woman who always feels a need to be moving forward, on the go, and making progress.
I recognize that “stuck” is sometimes exactly where I need to be.
Being “stuck” means there is something that is not yet finished in this particular step. “Stuck” is forcing me to sit still and listen. Today I hear silence. Today I feel the rise and fall of my own breathe. I realize in my stillness that if I can learn to sit and listen to myself, I will be far better at listening to someone else.
In the quiet of my morning I took the opportunity to sort through old recipes not yet tried. Many were still in paper form, torn from magazines, or printed from the Internet. Years have passed. Do I really need to keep them? They have been “stuck” on a shelf, in a binder. I cannot recall when I last looked in the binder. I sifted through them while seated at the computer, getting online to see if I could find them from the source. If I could, and I was still interested, I marked them on Pinterest for a future look. That way they are no longer taking up space on a shelf.
There is a part of a busy life where the “stuff” all around can feel like that mud in the yard. I am looking at my stuff a bit more critically these days to assure it is “stuff” that supports my moving forward in life, rather than getting stuck.
If I think about it a bit more (yes, I tend to overthink), I am really not “stuck”. I am “still”. I have not always been good at that. I have always commended myself for being able to multi-task and have enough energy to fly through tasks. However, there are things I was missing by not being still. I am proud of myself for taking the time to reflect on it.
My old habits too have been like mud. Changing them has made me feel better inside and out. I feel as if I am walking barefoot in the grass on a sunny day. Sure… there is still the occasional mud pit… and yes, I will wallow in it!
I am only human.
For today, I will embrace that I am to be still. I will listen to see what I might hear. This is not an easy exercise, but without change, I cannot grow. In my stillness I may find there was some lesson meant for me to learn. There may be nothing dramatic about it at all.
Maybe I am just supposed to walk in the mud with my dog. I will keep the rain gear handy!
Comments
stillness
Such poetic like thoughts and, again, i so relate and appreciate your sharing.
Being stuck or being still…it reminds me of a lesson that a close friend once taught me - sometimes, we need to stand still and feel...feel the pain, feel the fear, feel the joy or feel the tears.
Being still is not an easy thing to learn; it is an ongoing journey of mine as well. Yogis practice this for a lifetime and achieve it a little at a time. I too continue to practice being still and listening, a little bit at a time. It helps me to connect with God and find peace in the moment.
Cheryl I so appreciate your
Cheryl I so appreciate your sharing! No, "still" is not easy, but I see it as very necessary. Peace in the moment... I love that. Thank you!
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