I woke up this morning to sunshine and bird song.  As summer fast approaches, the days have been full of glorious light and dry, warm air.  Days like this keep me busy with more on my list than time usually allows.  My brain runs in high gear and it is often difficult to slow it down.

Today is one of those days.

Sometimes, my busy brain becomes a convenient buffer.  I am a great thinker.  I love to solve problems.  Have too many things to do?  No problem! Let me think about it.  I will formulate a plan to determine the best course of action to complete the most work in the time allotted.

Just keep thinking!

Thinkers (like me) sometimes think TOO much.  Thinking becomes a tool to avoid feelings.  This morning I realize that my “thinking brain” is working to overrun my “feeling brain”.  I know it is important to slow down enough to recognize that feelings are a necessary part of who I am, even when those feelings sting a bit.  Today is definitely a day where feelings sting.

It is Father’s Day.

And my father is not here.

And I miss him.

And the feelings that come first, quite frankly, suck.

So I am spending time searching for the OTHER feelings that come when I remember my father.

I miss my father because he was a fantastic man.  He and my mom married at a young age and had me (and my brother) quickly thereafter.  My parents were young, raising a young family.

And my parents were FUN!

My parents played with us.  They worked hard and played harder.  They taught us how to laugh.  They taught us the value of friends and family.  They taught us tolerance and respect for people of all ages, abilities, and cultures.  I learned from my parents that a husband and wife are a team.  As a team, they could conquer anything, finding balance with one another.

My father taught me how to work with tools.  He taught me how to fish, how to hunt, and built the foundation for my love of the outdoors.  He taught me to appreciate the taste of good beer and fine bourbon.  He taught me that in the midst of a terminal illness, there is still an ability to feed your mind… even when the body is weak.

I had a fantastic upbringing and I am eternally grateful for that gift!

My heart is full of joy when I stop to recognize what I have been given.  I smile when I realize that the woman that I am is a mix of BOTH of my parents.  I cry tears this morning as I allow myself to feel happiness through the sorrow of the loss of my father, but I am grateful for him and know he lived his life well… and he was not afraid to go.

It is Father’s Day and I miss my father.  Today I will spend time honoring him by flipping through my memories with smiles and laughter… and a quiet “thank you”.

Thank you Dad. 

I love you.