Today I had to stop.   I am not one of those people where “stops” come naturally.  I have a nasty head cold.  I am not a good patient.  I am not someone who is sick often, nor for long.  I have learned along the way that when it happens, the best thing I can do is stop and honor the need for my body to heal.

It does not mean I am happy about it.

I have a routine I like to follow.  Shocker, right?  RIGHT!  I like my rhythm.  I like my routine.  I have days I go to the gym, days I clean the house, days for this and days for that.  Oh, the lists I can create!  When something happens to disrupt the flow, I start to experience a slight panic attack.  The dialog begins in my head: “Todays is a gym-day”.  I am to be at the gym by 06:00”.  I know there is no way I can get through a workout, but I start to rationalize in my head how I CAN.  Really?  Yes, really.

It is now 06:22.  I am not at the gym.  I feel a slight sense of guilt, but my body is grateful for the rest.   The “stop” is giving me time to think.

As I reflect this morning, I realize that I have had to force myself to learn to slow down.  There are times in my life where a common cold would not have kept me from going to the gym for a workout.  I would have put myself at risk of getting injured, and others at risk of catching my cold, but I would have gotten it done and kept moving.  I would have gone to work.  I would have used my state of constant motion to avoid the “stop”. 

As I sit here typing, I am sipping a cup of strong coffee.  Despite the cold in my head, I can taste the warm, rich, slightly bitter flavor.  I am slowing down.

I can process my thoughts and record them.  I can see the words I am typing.  I can read the messages from my gym partner wishing me well and letting me know she is getting her workout in despite my staying home.  Rather than feel guilty for not being there, I am feeling proud of her, and thankful for a determined workout partner.

My sinuses are not happy.  Despite a stuffy nose, I can feel the air moving in and out as I breathe.  In my “stop” I am thinking of a friend who is struggling with breathing right now.  He is currently “stopped” by disease, but continues to find creative ways to bring laughter, art, and insight to the world.

Despite being tired from lack of sleep, I know my condition is temporary and my body will soon feel strong again.  In my “stop”, I am thinking of an amazing woman with whom I share a name.  Her body is not always strong, yet she is a warrior.  She is able to share passion, faith, and wisdom. She inspires people to be greater versions of who they are… including me.

When life takes on momentum, it is hard to stop.  The “stops” are quiet.   The “stops” allow memories to slip in and some of those memories bring a wave of grief and sadness.  In my “stop”, I give thanks.  I honor the people I have known who are no longer here, but are woven into the fabric of my life, adding color and substance and love.

Today I had to stop.  I am smiling.  I realize how amazing it is to be full of life… right here, right now.  I realize that the life I live is rich and full.   I realize that I am truly blessed.

Today I had to “stop”, and an hour ago I was not happy about it. 

Today I am actually thankful that I have a nasty cold.  Stop.