I just had Jaxon outside for a play session in the yard.  I use the term “yard” loosely, as it is more a bog right now than a yard.  The ground is squishy and soft making for a muddy mess of both of us.  I have gotten wise to his games, and keep my rain gear (pants and jacket) hanging by the door. I garb up before going out, thus making a bit less laundry and only one of us needs wiped down when we come in. 

I was walking in the yard, listening to the slurping noises my rubber boots made each time I stepped.  If I walked slowly enough, it was as if my boot was getting stuck in the mud.  I feel sort of stuck in the mud right now too.

As I have been working hard on “me” this winter, and figuring out where I fit in the universe, what I have to offer, and what lessons I still have to learn, I am being conscious about not assigning the word “stuck” with a negative label.   That is not easy for a woman who always feels a need to be moving forward, on the go, and making progress.

I recognize that “stuck” is sometimes exactly where I need to be.

Being “stuck” means there is something that is not yet finished in this particular step.  “Stuck” is forcing me to sit still and listen.  Today I hear silence.  Today I feel the rise and fall of my own breathe.  I realize in my stillness that if I can learn to sit and listen to myself, I will be far better at listening to someone else. 

In the quiet of my morning I took the opportunity to sort through old recipes not yet tried.  Many were still in paper form, torn from magazines, or printed from the Internet.  Years have passed.  Do I really need to keep them?  They have been “stuck” on a shelf, in a binder.  I cannot recall when I last looked in the binder.  I sifted through them while seated at the computer, getting online to see if I could find them from the source.  If I could, and I was still interested, I marked them on Pinterest for a future look.  That way they are no longer taking up space on a shelf. 

There is a part of a busy life where the “stuff” all around can feel like that mud in the yard.  I am looking at my stuff a bit more critically these days to assure it is “stuff” that supports my moving forward in life, rather than getting stuck. 

If I think about it a bit more (yes, I tend to overthink), I am really not “stuck”.  I am “still”.  I have not always been good at that.  I have always commended myself for being able to multi-task and have enough energy to fly through tasks.  However, there are things I was missing by not being still.  I am proud of myself for taking the time to reflect on it. 

My old habits too have been like mud.  Changing them has made me feel better inside and out.  I feel as if I am walking barefoot in the grass on a sunny day.  Sure… there is still the occasional mud pit… and yes, I will wallow in it! 

I am only human.

For today, I will embrace that I am to be still.  I will listen to see what I might hear.  This is not an easy exercise, but without change, I cannot grow.  In my stillness I may find there was some lesson meant for me to learn.  There may be nothing dramatic about it at all.

Maybe I am just supposed to walk in the mud with my dog.  I will keep the rain gear handy!